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Midnight Panda
25-08-2010, 10:29 PM
here is were you can discuss about my short stories, ask me questions, post feedback.

i have introduced these characters

chapter 1


Marcel Vespasianus
main character

Tadeo Hugo berny
The boss of the news place that marcel works at.

Chapter 2

Un Named Waitress

chapter 3

Claire DeSanco
she is the waitress from chapter 2,

Urias13
26-08-2010, 07:29 AM
Very nice. I don't normally read short stories on forums, but this is an excellant piece of work. I won't be giving ideas, because of my own writing style, I don't like others' ideas in my work (Very selfish about my work, it's why I almost never get finished writing any sort of story). However, I look forward to reading future chapters of this story. Nice work.

Midnight Panda
26-08-2010, 07:32 AM
thank you :) positive reinforcement is good lol. i' usually shy about my work but seeing as how my friends and such have liked my work i would see how others like it.

Urias13
26-08-2010, 07:35 AM
No problem. Keep me updated with each chapter (Send me a PM) and I'll write another comment for each update.

Midnight Panda
26-08-2010, 07:37 AM
okay will do. my next one or two will be out tomorrow probably.

Jedclark
26-08-2010, 03:17 PM
here is were you can discuss about my short stories, ask me questions, post feedback.

So far there is only one chapter written.

I have introduced these characters

chapter 1


marcel vespasianus
main character

tadeo hugo berny
the boss of the news place that marcel works at.

chapter 2

un named waitress

6,3... Spider man?

"you were probably hungover, tired and nauseous" - I believe it is nauseated.

Midnight Panda
26-08-2010, 05:00 PM
6,3... Spider man?

"you were probably hungover, tired and nauseous" - I believe it is nauseated.

spiderman what?????? i don't get it.

and oh maybe that might sound better

Jedclark
26-08-2010, 05:10 PM
spiderman what?????? i don't get it.

and oh maybe that might sound better

Lol, news reporters, etc. Marcel... MARVEL. Sounded very Spiderman-esque to me from that description.

Plus, it doesn't sound better, it is just correct. :D

Midnight Panda
26-08-2010, 05:26 PM
Lol, news reporters, etc. Marcel... MARVEL. Sounded very Spiderman-esque to me from that description.

Plus, it doesn't sound better, it is just correct. :D

oh. well im horrible at names so i just googled name generator and that name came up.

and oh well

BladeMaster
26-08-2010, 06:16 PM
I agree 100 percent with the "oh well" part.

Midnight Panda
26-08-2010, 06:24 PM
lol thanks

Urias13
02-09-2010, 06:36 PM
When are you planning to post Chapter 4?

Midnight Panda
03-09-2010, 12:15 AM
i'm working on it right now. I have a day off monday, so hope to get 4 and 5 done.

Jedclark
03-09-2010, 06:45 PM
Something I'd like to make note of is that these are not chapters, they're fifteen lines of dialogue.

Urias13
03-09-2010, 07:25 PM
Eh, it's a short story, I'll count them as chapters. Or at least episodes.

Midnight Panda
04-09-2010, 12:18 AM
Something I'd like to make note of is that these are not chapters, they're fifteen lines of dialogue.

it's a short story, it's not supposed to be a full novel.

Midnight Panda
08-09-2010, 05:08 AM
wow, way to spamify my thread >:(

faith1806
15-09-2010, 04:39 AM
yeah, it is a good thread for people to discuss

Jedclark
15-09-2010, 05:56 PM
wow, way to spamify my thread >:(

Not really YOURS, is it?

Midnight Panda
15-09-2010, 05:59 PM
Not really YOURS, is it?

oh well so i said MY thread, who cares. Besides it is a thread about my short story. I created this thread so technically it is MY thread about MY short story.

Sayguin
16-09-2010, 03:39 AM
That was a good story, enjoyed it and i haven't enjoy any story for a long time. Good Work!