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  1. #1
    I hate Nerds Rawgasm's Avatar
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    NES Remix - Wii U

    Donít you just love classic gaming? Do you remember such classic NES hits like Metroid, Castlevania, and Megaman? Games in which even by todayís standards can somewhat hold up on their own? If thatís exactly your taste then turn away now because this game will absolutely break you classic gaming heart and spit on the remains.

    So what do you in NES Remix? Or better yet what is NES Remix? You get to play a total of 16 classic NES games for the cost of £8.99. Thatís like, what, just over 50p a game? Sounds good right? What if I were to tell you that you only get to play stripped down challenges of these games and not the full thing? What if I were to tell you that rather than the likes of Metroid, Castlevania and Megaman you get to play the heart-stopping, butt-loosening, thrill ride, extravaganzas like NES Pinball, Clu Clu Land and Balloon Fight? That sounds ****ing awful right? Well it is. Sure the original Super Mario Bros and Donkey Kong are lodged within the behemoth and you can start them right off the bat but the original Legend of Zelda is somewhere in the unlockables which those 3 are the only titles worth mentioning.

    Well if theyíre bringing back some of the games which may not have been as popular or successful like Mario Bros. (Not Super Mario Bros. thatís the good one which became a successful series, the one nobody likes) So maybe they could jazz is up by offering better controls and maybe more inviting visuals? Nope, absolutely nothing had done to these quite frankly terrible games. Some of these games desperately needed better control but and feels like even more of a train-wreck to play than the originals.


    Look boys and girls! You get to play Super Mario Bros in even less colour! Isn't that exciting?!?!

    So yes, the entire game is challenges of all your favourite classics like Excitebike and NES Baseball. Not excited? Why not? You get to re-learn how to go forward and pop a wheelie and gain some form of award for it. Still not satisfied? This shitís got Ice Climbers. You know that game no one played and people only know it because the Ice Climbers as playable characters in Smash Bros? These challenges are just boring and tedious to get through. Iíve never felt so restricted and pull back from the action on a ****ing NES game before. There are a couple of challenges which are interesting like Link being in Donkey Kong but by the time youíve got to that stage youíve played enough challenges to consider stapling you genitals to a tree for a less painful experience and they come across as a ďmehĒ experience.

    God Iím only four paragraphs in and Iím already out of **** to say about this monstrosity. Oh wait there is the various stamps you can get. When you complete a challenge youíll be rewarded with points, these points build up to unlock stamps that you can spam over Miiverse, which is like a forum. So the only thing that NES Remix offers you is stencils of sprite work to a forum. ****, I could do that on MS Paint for free on this forum right here, look:

    And thereís no censorship here unlike MiiVerse!

    Conclusion
    Thereís absolutely no reason to purchase this regurgitated mess of classic gaming. It goes beyond imagination that somehow you can strip down simple NES games. They donít even bother to fix half of the poorly controlled games either. £8.99 if far too much for something in this day and age where you can get all these completely bare bones games for absolutely free, albeit illegally but you donít feel nearly as dirty downloading a full NES game then buying this.

    + It looks and sounds like NES Games
    - Utterly boring challenges
    - Unjustifiable Price Tag
    - About 3 titles actually worth mentioning, not playing, mentioning.
    - I canít think of a 4th con ÖughÖ Marioís the wrong shade of red?

    1.5/10

    I do not have a 3rd picture of NES Remix, so here is a picture of Willem Dafoe as our Queen Mother;

  2. #2
    Great review, even though I dont agree with your opinion did I still find it to be an interessting read!

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